Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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