I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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