is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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