he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
