JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Randomize
