she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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