I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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