The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
