don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
