in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize