guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
