i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
