She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
