you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
