why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
