I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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