I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
