i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
