so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
