Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
