i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
His nipple licking is glorious
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