wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
