I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
