Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize