I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
