meet me or not, i'm out of control
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Dicks are not precious.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
