Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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