I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
