He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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