Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
