He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
