i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Pooping to opera.
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