opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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