we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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