Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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