The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
