he wants to bone in the snuggie
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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