looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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