we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize