I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My vagina is officially offended.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
