Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
