I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
