My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
