I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
