Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
