He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it was like eating out sand paper
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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