Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
