After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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