I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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