Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
