What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He did a backflip because drugs
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