I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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