I'm lost and stupid without you.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
be right there i have to get my cape
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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