sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
