Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
