Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
