Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize