glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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