Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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