it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
