is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
