you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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