i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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