I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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