Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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