I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
