I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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