Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize