i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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