you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
