i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize