Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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