I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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