Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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