you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
