apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize