I just cut my nipple shaving
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
