no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
