We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
