i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
