He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
