Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
