i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
