I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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