I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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