Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
