Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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