You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
