Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
